I have mixed feelings towards 2016 as I'm sure many loss mums do. 2015 was a very hard year, I had to grow up a lot when I discovered I was pregnant and I had to grow up even more when Freddie died. But, in some ways it was also a happy year for me. I got to meet my beautiful baby boy. I spent 9 months building up a picture of him in my mind but I never thought he would be so very perfect. I could talk for ages about how he looked but I'm sure I already have many times on here. I fell for Mattie on a much deeper level, I watched him become a father and that is truly one of the most special things I have ever witnessed. A large part of my guilt is feeling that I took that away from Mattie, the chance to father Freddie but really he still does father him but in a different way to most. We also moved house and welcomed Olive into our home, both very special events for us. Olive is essentially my surrogate child, a role she has thoroughly enjoyed as she is still a big baby and loves keeping us on our toes. It's also the year we found out that I'm pregnant with *hopefully* our rainbow baby. My 12 week (even though I'll be 14 weeks) scan is in two weeks and I am so hoping that this little peanut is here to stay with us.
I'm really hoping 2016 is kinder to us, I'm really rooting for it to be but only time will tell I suppose. I think that's how life is going to be for the next few months of pregnancy, holding my breath as we pass each stage. I don't want to live in fear though, so I've decided to write a few of my
New Years Resolutions:
Believe in the positive even when faced with a negative
Be kinder to others, you never know what battle they may be facing
Try to relax more
Be more assertive for the baby and this pregnancy
Trust my instincts more
Moan less and be thankful more
Create and treasure memories
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