What We Wish Others Would Understand

I was inspired to write this post after I saw this question posed on the facebook page of  Still Standing Magazine.

"What do you wish the world would understand about the reality of being a bereaved parent?"

I started reading some of the replies, shouting "YES" and nodding furiously in agreement with what I've read. Sometimes it's just so comforting to know that you aren't alone...other people feel the same way and no, you aren't going mad. So I've decided to summarise some of the most accurate and applicable to me.

"Living a new normal isn't comfortable and you're not the same" - Sometimes you just want to cancel plans and curl up in a ball. Some people, close family and close friends may understand but others just don't get it. It's only been months for me but I find people treating it as if it's been years and they don't understand why I'm not over it.

"It's OK to speak his name" - It's not a dirty word, it won't kill me. My son has a name, just SAY it. I wan't to always acknowledge his existence. He's a real person and I don't want to ever, ever forget him and by not saying his name you're letting his memory fade.

"It STILL hurts. Everyday" - I still cry at baby adverts, I still see the day vividly every time I close my eyes, I still feel the pain of giving birth to him, daily. I miss him and that fucking hurts. Just because you've seen me smile, or because I can put on make up and function, it doesn't mean I'm not hurting.

"We have never been prepped for having our child die" We are learning as we go. We don't know what we are doing or where we are going. We are lost with empty arms. I hate being pestered about when I'm going back to work or when am I having another etc. I don't know, I'm just making it up as I go.

"Having another baby makes loss easier but also harder at the same time" - This one really hits me. I'm desperate for another baby to fill my arms but it'll never fill the gaping, Freddie shaped hole in my heart. My next baby will be a constant reminder of what could of been and the life that was stolen from Freddie. It's going to be so healing but so hard.

What do you wish that others would understand?